Dreams and Realities
by youcantseeus
Summary: As Marco's fear of coming out to his parents increases, he begins to have dreams that help him to understand himself. Chapter 8 is up!
1. Dreaming

This is a Marco fanfic. It is (at times) very dark and has a few sexually suggestive scenes. But nothing worse than what you'd see in a PG-13 movie, so I don't think that it will be inappropriate for this place.  
  
**Chapter 1: Dreaming  
**  
_Marco was in his room, lying on his bed. He was not alone, the handsome stranger was lying beside him, kissing him, touching him. The stranger was so strong, so manly. Marco was like a little child beside him. In one part of his mind, Marco was wholly absorbed in what was happening to him  
  
And yet the other part of Marco's mind, the part that had nothing to do with physical sensations, was nagging him. Marco kept a watchful eye on his bedroom door. He just knew that at any moment his papa was going to burst through that door and find out his secret. The Stranger seemed to know all about Marco's fear and his eyes were laughing at Marco. Marco couldn't help but think that the Stranger and his father were secret cohorts. That he had been led into a trap.  
  
Marco couldn't bring himself to stop. Just one more minute...one more second. He couldn't stop. Just one more---  
  
As if on cue, Marco's papa came barging into his room. He didn't seem surprised, he didn't even pause, he headed straight for the bed and caught Marco up by the hair and began to drag him out of his room and down the stairs.  
  
"Papa! Please! Stop!!!!" he heard himself cry. He was beginning to get the horrifying feeling that this had all happened before. But no, that couldn't be.  
  
Marco's papa dragged him to the middle of the kitchen floor. Everything had turned to black and white. Marco stood there in his kitchen, shivering and whimpering. When had his house gotten so cold?  
  
Marco's father went into the living room and came out holding a baseball bat. Marco didn't even resist as his papa began to beat him with the bat. He just stood there, quietly crying to himself. At one point, he looked down at his arms to see them covered in purple bruises and red blood. They were the only points of color in the room. Marco's father aimed a blow at his son's head.  
_  
Marco awoke with a start. It had all been a dream.......  
  
What do you guys think? The whole story won't be nearly that dark, I promise. It's supposed to contrast to later events. And there will be more dialogue. And don't worry, I'm still writing my "funny" story and it will probably move a lot faster than this one (parodies practically write themselves). 


	2. Waking

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of the great characters including Marco.

Chapter 2: Waking  
  
Marco sit in his bed with all the lights on, fully awake. There was no way that he could go back to sleep and run the risk of having the dream again. At six o' clock, Marco's alarm went off and he began to get ready for school. Just as he was slipping on his T-shirt, his cell phone rang. Only one person would be calling his cell this early.  
  
Marco picked up the phone. "Hi Dylan," he said endeavoring to make his voice sound cheerful and just a bit teasing.  
  
"Hey sweety," said Dylan in the same teasing tones. This was the manner that they used with each other most often. "Did I wake you?"  
  
"No. You didn't wake me." said Marco remembering his dream.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Marco heard Dylan ask him.  
  
"No. It's nothing," said Marco, "so why are you calling me so early?" he asked letting the pleasant tones creep back into his voice.  
  
"Oh, I just wondered if you wanted to go out tonight," Dylan said.  
  
"Hmmm," said Marco, "I'll have to check my planner and see if I have any other cute boys lined up."  
  
"Marco!" Dylan exclaimed.  
  
"Looks like you the only one," said Marco, "lucky you."  
  
"So what do you want to do tonight on the date," asked Dylan.  
  
"I guess what we did last time," said Marco  
  
"You mean make out in my car for two hours?" now it was Dylan's turn to tease, "sounds great!"  
  
"I meant the movie and stuff," said Marco.  
  
"Oh, that part of the date," teased Dylan, "but isn't dinner and a movie getting a bit old?"  
  
"It'll be fun," said Marco, "look, I have to go to school now Dylan."  
  
"Aww, okay," said Dylan, "pick you up at 7:00 at the usual place?"  
  
"Sure thing," said Marco, "bye, bye."  
  
"Bye", said Dylan.  
  
Marco felt a little guilty as he hung up the phone. He didn't like lying to Dylan, but he didn't exactly want to share his disturbing sex dreams with his boyfriend. Marco went downstairs and tried to get out the door without being noticed.  
  
"Marco," his mother called from the kitchen, "aren't you going to have breakfast?"  
  
"Mama, I can't," said Marco, "I'll be late for school."  
  
"Nonsense," Marco heard his papa bellow, "you come and eat, I drive you to school."  
  
"Your a growing boy," said Marco's mother " and you need your breakfast."  
  
"Mama, I'm really not that hungry," Marco said coming into the kitchen.  
  
"What do you mean you not that hungry?" Marco's father asked, "Do you want to insult your mother's cooking and make her cry? You'll drive us both to an early grave, just see--"  
  
"FINE! I'll eat breakfast, just stop okay?" said Marco. This was how it always was with his parents.


	3. A True Friend

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or Marco or Ellie. Hehe.

**Chapter 3: A True Friend  
  
**By lunch time Marco was exhausted. He got his lunch and plopped down at a table by himself. He didn't really feel like setting with the "preppy" crowd today, he had a headache and he needed to think.

A little bit later, Ellie came and sat down beside him. "You have to let me copy your algebra notes before 6th period," she said.

"Yeah. Sure, whatever," Marco replied. He was clearly preoccupied.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Ellie with one of her oh-so-perceptive glances.  
  
"Ahh--nothing," said Marco, "I'm just a little down in the dumps." Suddenly Marco adopted a totally different attitude and tone of voice. "But enough about me, girlfriend. Let's talk about you. Sooooo, how are things with you and Sean?"  
  
Ellie wasn't fooled for a second. "Drop the "gayboy" act Marco and stop trying to change the subject. I want to know what's wrong. Did you have another dream?" Ellie was the only one who knew about his dreams.  
  
"Yeah," Marco admitted.  
  
"The same one again?" asked Ellie.  
  
"Yes," said Marco, "what really bothers me about it is that my Papa is not really like that. I mean sure he's homophobic and he's loud and he's totally out of touch with my feelings, but he would never physically hurt me. I mean, he loves me and he's just not that kind of person."  
  
"I think the dream is really about your fear of your parents finding out that you are gay," said Ellie, "I mean you are not _really_ afraid that your father is going to hit you with a baseball bat. But you are afraid that he's going to completely overeact and not love you anymore."  
  
"Yeah, that's kind of true," said Marco.  
  
"It's also about control," said Ellie.  
  
"What?" asked Marco.  
  
"Well didn't you say that in your dream you thought that your father and the guy you were with were plotting against you?" she asked. Marco murmered his assent, "Well it sounds like you feel trapped between two things that you have no control over: your family and your sexuality. Believe me, I know the feeling of losing control better than anyone."  
  
"That makes a weird kind of sense," said Marco, "but when did you become a little psychologist?"  
  
"It's not a big deal," said Ellie, "I've just been reading up on dreams and listening to my therapist for once."  
  
"Did you do that for me?" asked Marco in surprise, "Awww...you're a true friend Elle." Ellie blushed. Then he began to tease her, "I feel all warm and cuddly inside."   
  
"Shut up," said Ellie. "So have you talked to Dylan about this?"  
  
"No," said Marco.  
  
"Well, I'm sure that he could be a great friend too if you let him," she said, "and a great boyfriend."  
  
"I just don't want to tell him that I've been dreaming of being in bed with another guy." said Marco.  
  
"I'm sure he'd understand," said Ellie.  
  
"Besides," said Marco, " I like to be cheery when I'm around him. You know, keep him happy."  
  
Ellie shot him a look. "Just think about it okay?" she asked.


	4. Dating

Okay, I hope that none of my people are to out of character, I worry in particular about Ellie. I'm also worried about making Dylan to perfect.

**Chapter 4: Dating  
  
**Marco had a Dance Committee meeting after school, so he didn't have time to catch a nap before his date with Dylan.  
  
"Well," he admitted to himself, "you _might_ have had time for a nap if you hadn't spent an hour and a half getting ready."  
  
On his way out, Marco had to explain to his parents where he was going looking so nice. He made up a lame excuse about going out with friends. Before Marco had figured out that he was gay, he hardly ever told a lie. Now he felt like an old pro at lying. At least he no longer needed to lie to his friends, just his family.  
  
Because of Marco's parents, he and Dylan had to sneak around a good deal in order to see each other. Sometimes they would meet at a friends house. Sometimes Marco would drive his parent's car (he was still saving up for his own) to wherever they were going. Once or twice Dylan had even picked him up at his house as a "friend". Sometimes Dylan would get impatient with this, but mostly he had been very understanding.  
  
Most often though, Marco would walk to a little coffee shop and sip lattes while he waited for Dylan. This was the plan for that night. Dylan arrived at a little past seven, late as usual. He spotted Marco.  
  
"Hey Marco," he said smiling.  
  
"Hey honey," said Marco smiling back at him. Somehow just seeing Dylan always made him feel good.  
  
"Having your usual?" Dylan asked looking into Marco's cup, "Ooh, no, you're drinking the hard stuff tonight."  
  
"I was sleepy," said Marco, "I needed coffee." That was true enough.  
  
"Sleepy?" asked Dylan, "What? Been up thinking of me all night?"  
  
"You wish," Marco replied, "I'm done here," he continued, "so let's get going."  
  
No matter how their dates started, they inevitably ended with the two of them making out in Dylan's car. This time, though, Marco pulled away after a few minutes.  
  
"What?" asked Dylan, "You don't want to go home already?"  
  
"Yeah, actually I'm kind of tired." said Marco.  
  
"Oh and I suppose you have a headache too?" said Dylan half teasingly and half angrily.  
  
Marco was suddenly angry. "Look Dylan," he said "maybe I don't always feel like being your little cheerful ready-to-please boy toy."  
  
"I never asked you to..." began Dylan.  
  
"You don't even know what I've been going through..." Marco stopped himself.  
  
"What _have_ you been going through?" Dylan's voice was now much softer.  
  
"I-I just," Marco hesitated.  
  
"You know that you can tell me anything," said Dylan "is it your parents?"  
  
"It's just that I've been having these dreams lately..." and Marco told Dylan all about his dreams, by the time he was finished, he was in tears.  
  
"Come here," said Dylan gently holding out his arms.  
  
Marco allowed those arms to wrap around him and he cried on Dylan's shoulder.  
  
"Shhh..." said Dylan lightly stroking Marco's hair, "it's going to be alright." Marco allowed himself to be comforted.  
  
I hope that wasn't to, I don't know, corny. I'm having trouble with the flow of this story.


	5. Just a Little While Longer

Author's Note: Hey guys here is chapter 5. Enjoy and please review! The story should pick up a little after this chapter. And someone said that they don't know when this is happening and I realized that they are right! I'll either have to revise a previous chapter or put it into a later chapter, but THIS chapter is not the place for it. It's supposed to take place sometime next seanson when Marco would be in Grade 11.  
  
**Chapter 5: Just a Little While Longer**  
  
_Marco's papa dragged him to the middle of the kitchen floor. Everything had turned to black and white. Marco stood there in his kitchen, shivering and whimpering. When had his house gotten so cold?  
  
Marco's father went into the living room and came out holding a baseball bat. As his father beat him, Marco looked up so he wouldn't have to see his papa's enraged face. He focused on one tiny stain on the ceiling, one spot. That one spot was the whole world.  
  
"Marco...." his mother's voice was calling him from very far away.  
  
"Mama," Marco whispered, his voice cracking. He burst into a fresh wave of tears.  
  
"Marco..."_  
  
"Marco! Wake up!" his mother was shaking him awake. Marco sat up. "What's wrong?" his mother asked "You cry very loud."  
  
Marco was awake, but still half wild from the dream. "Oh Mama," he cried, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."  
  
"Sorry for what baby?" his mother asked looking at him with a confused expression.  
  
"I'm sorry," Marco sobbed, "I can't keep doing this, I just can't."  
  
"It's okay Marco," said his mama, "it was only a dream."   
  
She took him in her arms and began to gently rock him and sing to him in Italian. Marco's mother always treated him as if he were five years old. Normally, he hated it, but tonight it was exactly what he needed. Marco was transported to his childhood. When he was small, he had always had horrible dreams. Then, he could run into his parents room and his mama would sooth and sing to him and his papa would chase the monsters from under his bed. That was back when he actually liked his parents as people and didn't just love them out of obligation. Back when they were the center of his little world and he had no secrets from him. That was before his papa became the monster.  
  
But now? Marco wondered. He wondered how his mother would react if he told her everything. About his being gay, about Dylan, about his dreams. Would her face change to shock and disgust? Would she cry? Would she tell his papa? Would she, could she....understand?  
  
Whatever the answers to these questions were, Marco knew that he couldn't keep this up much longer. The lying, the sneaking around, the nightmares, the lack of sleep. He just wasn't built for it, if nothing else, Marco had to tell his parents in order to preserve his sanity. Telling Dylan had helped, but only temporarily. When Marco hadn't had his dreams for almost three weeks, he had thought that they were gone for good. Then, on night they came back, more horrible and more vivid than ever. Now he was back to having dreams nearly every night. Yes, telling Dylan had been a quick fix, like people who take asprins when what they really need is major surgery.  
  
And yet...telling his parents could wait. He could allow them to live in their perfect little world where he was the perfect son for just a few days longer. Surely he could have their full love for just a little while longer. Marco was falling asleep.  
  
"Goodnight Mama," Marco said drowsily, "I love you."


	6. Losing Your Nerve

Thanks for the reviews guys I've got chapter 6.  
  
**Chapter 6: Losing Your Nerve**  
  
The next day at school, Marco found Ellie outside on the school steps.  
  
"Hey Elle," Marco's voice was almost excited, "I've decided to tell my parents that I'm gay," he blurted out.  
  
"Again?" Ellie asked. It wasn't exactly the reaction that Marco wanted.  
  
"What do you mean "again"?" Marco asked dreading the answer. Why did Ellie always have to be so honest.  
  
"It's just that you've told me that at least three times," Ellie replied, "but you never actually _do_ it."  
  
"Well this time I'm for real," said Marco, "see, I figure that if I tell my parents, then I might stop having the dreams."  
  
"Maybe," said Ellie, "_if_ they have a more positive reaction than you expect. So when are you going to tell them?"  
  
"In a few days I guess," Marco muttered.  
  
"Uh-huh," said Ellie.  
  
"What? You don't think I'll do it?" Marco was annoyed.  
  
"Listen Marco," said Ellie, "I'm saying this to you as a friend. If you _really_ want this, then you should do it soon. Like tonight. If you don't then you'll just keep putting it off like you always do." At that moment the bell for homeroom rang. "Oops! I've got to go now Marco," said Ellie, "I need to do my Grade 11 English homework in homeroom. Think about what I've said, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Marco said under his breath.  
  
Marco did think about it, in fact he thought about almost nothing else all day long. He came to the conclusion that Ellie was right. Marco decided to tell his parents as soon as possible.   
  
Marco came home directly after school on that day. He found his mother in the living room. "Uhh, Mama?" Marco asked?  
  
"What is it Marco?" his mother asked.  
  
"Is Papa home yet?" Marco was hoping that he wasn't. Marco's mother nodded her head. "I need to talk to you both about something," said Marco quietly.  
  
Marco's mother shot him a perceptive glance. "I go get him," she said and she left the room.  
  
Marco began to pace nervously. His palms were sweating, he couldn't breathe or think, and he was literally shaking with anxiety. As long as he had only been _thinking_ of coming out to his parents, it had been no big deal, but now that he actually had to _do_ it, Marco felt like he was going to be sick. Marco's mama came back into the room dragging his papa with her.  
  
"Okay, okay," Marco's papa was saying "What do you want to talk about Marco?"  
  
"Uum, maybe you should both sit down," Marco said. His parents gave each other a concerned look as they sat down on the sofa. They looked at Marco expectantly. Marco continued to pace.  
  
"We don't have all day," said Marco's papa.  
  
"Right," said Marco, "maybe I should sit down." He sat down on a chair across from them. "I want to tell you both something..." he began.  
  
"Yes?" prompted his mother.  
  
Marco took a few deep breaths. His parents were becoming more and more alarmed. "I want to tell you that I-I'm," Marco stopped and slapped himself on the forehead. "I can't do this," he said "just--nevermind." Marco got up and began to walk away.  
  
"Marco!" his mother exclaimed, "you scare us to death and then you don't even tell us what's wrong?"  
  
Marco looked back at his parents. "Okay, fine," he said sitting back down. "I was going to tell you that I'm--" Marco couldn't go on.  
  
"What?!" asked Marco's father in exasperation.  
  
"I'm gay," said Marco.


	7. Reactions

Teehee, I can fianlly update.

**Chapter 7: Reactions**  
  
Marco felt as though he were in the dream again, but this was all to real. He stood in front of his parents, his fist clinched, his face downcast, waiting for the blow. Not for his father to actually hit him, like in the dream, but for something almost as bad. Marco was waiting for the full weight of his papa's anger to fall upon him.  
  
"W-what?" stammered Marco's papa. It wasn't an angry "what" or even a shocked "what". It was more like "I didn't understand you, what?"   
  
"I'm gay," Marco repeated himself. "I, umm, like guys and not girls."  
  
"What!?" snapped Marco's papa, jumping to his feet. _Now_ it was beginning to sink in. "You-" Marco's father stopped and took a deep breath. "You are _not gay_!!" He yelled. "My son is not _gay_!! He spat out the word "gay" at the end of each sentence like a curse.  
  
"Papa, I--" Marco began.  
  
"No!" Marco's father cut him off. "I don't want to hear another word!" He turned on Marco's mother who was still setting on the couch in a state of shcok. "This all your fault!" he said. "I tell you. I tell you that if you keep babying him, then he will turn into prissy boy. Do you listen? No!"  
  
Marco's parents began to argue back and forth in Italian, nearly forgetting about Marco. Marco sat down and watched in a detatched and fascinated way. His papa's face was beet red and there was a vein on his forehead that was bulging. His Mama was not at all intimidated by this and could hold her own in the argument. Marco heard his papa suggest sending him to military school.  
  
"Perfect solution, Papa," Marco said to himself with a smirk, "send me to an all boys school."  
  
"You need to calm down," Marco heard his mama say.  
  
"Calm! I--" began Marco's papa.  
  
"We will _not_ talk about this until you're calmer," said Marco's mama.  
  
"Fine! I go calm down somewhere away from you!" Marco's papa stormed out of the house, grabbing his coat on the way.  
  
Marco sat in shocked silence for a moment. Now that his papa was gone, his mama was crying softly into her hands. Marco walked over to her and tried to put his arms around her, but she jerked away.  
  
"Ma, I--" began Marco brokenly.  
  
"Marco, I think that you should go to your room now," said his mama softly.  
  
"Mama--" Marco tried again.  
  
"Go!" yelled Marco's mama through her tears.  
  
Marco bit his lip and began to walk slowly up his stairs. When he got to the top, he suddenly started running toward his room. Marco slammed the door and began to cry into his pillow. Marco cried for a long time, when he was done, he felt as though he had been crying for days.


	8. Who Can Give Comfort?

Hi guys, some of you know that I write parodies. However, will not allow these parodies. So if you would like to read them, email me and I'll tell you where you can find them. **** **Chapter 8: Who Can Give Comfort?**  
  
_Marco couldn't take it anymore. He clenched his fists angrily and waited for his father. Marco's papa rushed back into the room holding the baseball bat. Marco grabbed the bat from his father's surprisingly loose grip. Marco's papa's face took on a shocked and victimized expression. For some reason, this expression only made Marco twice as angry as he had been.  
  
Marco's emotions suddenly overflowed. He yelled loudly and hit his papa hard over the head with the bat. It was only one hit, but Marco's papa immediately slumped to the floor as though he were a doll and not a person.  
  
"Papa," said Marco, "wake up." Marco felt somehow outside himself, as though he were watching all this from the other end of the room. Reality was becoming more surreal by the second.  
  
"Marco," he heard his mother's voice whispering to him. "You killed him." She didn't sound accusing or even surprised, just very, very sad.  
  
"No," Marco said in horror, "I didn't mean to. I didn't want to."  
  
Marco looked down at his father's body. This couldn't be real. Marco turned and tried to run, but he couldn't move, he couldn't get away from this..."_  
  
Marco jerked awake. He found that he was lying in his bed, fully dressed. He must have fallen asleep after the whole "incident". Marco exhaled loudly and relaxed a bit.  
  
"What were you dreaming?" asked a quiet voice at his side. It was his mama, sitting not two feet away from him.  
  
"Mama," Marco said in surprise. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"A while," said Marco's mama. There was an awkward silence between them. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Neither of them could look at the other one.  
  
"Mama," Marco said after a long period of silence. "I'm sorry. I didn't- I didn't _want_ to be this way."  
  
"I know," said Marco's mother softly.  
  
"This is just the way I am," said Marco desperately, "please try to understand. I'm just gay."  
  
"I know." said Marco's mother even more softly. She cleared her throat. "I've always known."  
  
Marco looked at his mother in surprise. "You've always known?" he asked, "What do you mean "you've always known"?"  
  
"Since you were little boy," she said beginning to cry. "There are some things that a mother just knows."  
  
"But...if you knew than why did you react the way that you did?" Marco asked the obvious question.  
  
"I-I just didn't want to admit it to myself." she said, "I was afraid. I was afraid that if your papa found out, then he would never be the same with you. I was afraid of my family being torn."  
  
"Tell me about it," said Marco.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Marco," said his mother trying to dry her tears and failing utterly. "I should be comforting you. It's just that it's hard for me too." For the first time, she looked Marco directly in the eye.  
  
"So does Papa want to send me away?" asked Marco.  
  
"Well, he was talking about it," said Marco's mother trying to smile,"but he won't. You know how he is, his bark is worse than his bite."  
  
"Yeah," Marco said after thinking about it, "but that doesn't mean that he's okay with it."  
  
"No," Marco's mother replied, "it doesn't."  
  
"A-are _you_ okay with it." Marco ventured to ask. It was the important question. The one that they had both been tip-toeing around.  
  
"Well, I'm a little bit shaken," said Marco's mama, trying to smile, "but, yes, I am okay. Or I'm going to be okay."  
  
"Thank you Mama," whispered Marco, tears welling up in his eyes. Marco hugged his mother and they both cried. 


End file.
